My Confession

My Confession: 

The glimpses would come and go; depression would set in as the wonder vanished from my awareness.  Where did the peace go, I would ponder and ask myself, ask God.  Then would begin the next round of trying to understand, sad, doubting, angry, and as I mentioned, I would sink into periods of deep unhappiness.  It was like experiencing the most wondrous thing in the world and then losing it.  It is beyond the words to explain but I know that there are those reading these words who understand.  But in spite of these periods and because of them, I would turn my attention, the best that I could, away from the heaviness of mind, pick up my pen (later, the computer keyboard) and enter into my journal tending discipline of getting into a new mode of mentation, the mode that is the Child’s way to think and believe.  I would write and live with the expectation of Joy’s return.  (I was taught this by William Samuel, echoed by other teachings, A Course In Miracles included.)   

I acknowledge ACIM and William Samuel as the two main teachings pointing to the simplicity of this experience I am.  Along the way, there have been many wonderful teachers and teachings of all shades and colors, all pointers that have accumulated into the Realization that has taken place.  But, the Real teacher of all is the Child “within” which appears simultaneously “without” bringing, sharing, being and Is the good news of Innocence, Freedom and Happiness.  It is the Child we are, the very awareness of God that includes every teaching and teacher within Itself, all being the Child’s sequential unfolding (the linear experience of time and space) and simultaneous confirmation or delineation that makes plain the Presence of God and His Son in the Play of Self-Being.     

As time passed and my confidence increased, trust given reign, confirmation upon confirmation finally bringing my old recalcitrant nature to the cliff of surrender, I was willing and jumped into the abyss of credulousness.  I was willing to trust with all my heart and soul, that what I was “seeing” and “hearing” was indeed true and made the decision to believe that only Good is going on in spite of appearances to the contrary.  Out of the abyss I have begun to speak, share and live the vision that was born out of the willingness to surrender and Find. 

I find myself from time to time with a fleck of mis-perception, my opportunity to take the walk of Calvary and Find myself ever more and more the Living Child of God and realizing that there is only This and This includes the awareness reading these words.  With my life dedicated only to this and the honest living of this, I find myself urged in the joyous “what to do” mode of ‘being’ and sharing the good news of Christ reborn for Mankind and his world.  

The doubt, sadness and fear have been sublimated, mere dust particles disappearing in the Light of Truth, disappearing as the gap between one glimpse and another disappears, the holy instant evaporating the belief that time is real.   

This is my confession to my world.  I am about my Father’s business.  I

am about the undoing of every block that stands between the concept of ourselves and the Light of love and wisdom.